Armouring up with invisibility
by Lyn Packer
We all have some basic needs as people – most of which can be summed in the need to be loved, to be seen, heard, accepted, and cared for. And when these needs are not met, for whatever reason, we can feel small and invisible – cast off, alone, and hidden from sight. Or, if we feel unsafe in our family or in life, we may seek to fade into the background and try to be small, unseen, and invisible. When we seek to protect ourselves like that over and over it can lead to a lifetime of feeling exactly that – invisible, unseen and unrecognised.
There are two main types of hiddenness or invisibility…
Where God hides you in order to prepare you for greater things.
When we seek to make ourselves small, unnoticed or invisible, in order to try and find safety or protection.
When God hides us
When God hides us, that is a far different thing than being shrouded and armoured up by making ourselves small or trying to be invisible. In Scripture, we see that sometimes God does hide a person, and because God is intentional, then His hiding us is for our good, growth, and development as a person, even though we may not initially recognise that. If He has us hidden it’s to do a specific work in us, so that later He can work through us with greater power than before. God hid Joseph within a prison before he came into the palace (Genesis 39). He hid Moses in the desert as He prepared him to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt (Exodus 2). God hid David in caves in the mountains, protecting him from Saul before he was recognised as king (1 Sam 22-24). He told Elijah to go hide at Cherith, in the middle of the greatest time in his ministry, while He worked on Elijah’s character and relationship with Him (1 Kings 17).
When God hides us He never leaves us alone in our hiddenness. He is there with us, teaching us His ways, working in us and preparing us for our revealing.
Feeling invisible
Have you ever said, or heard others say things like…
“Sometimes I feel like no one sees me. My work doesn’t get noticed, I get passed over for promotion, I feel invisible around here.”
“I feel like my friends don’t really see me; even my husband doesn’t seem to really see me anymore. I might as well not be here. It feels like I’ve become invisible”
“I feel empty inside, I do all the right things, I work out, I eat healthily, I pray, I go to church, I spend time with friends, but no matter what I do I still feel empty, alone, and invisible.”
“Others get asked to do things at church but I don’t; it’s like my gifts aren’t seen or recognised. I don’t know why, I just don’t get it. I might as well be invisible.”
Feelings like these can be short-term and pass fairly quickly, or they can be ongoing feelings that have deep sadness attached to them. If they are ongoing feelings, then it’s possible that at some stage, that person may have armoured themselves, or sought to protect themselves, with smallness or invisibility.
Maybe our family circumstances or painful events made us want to armour up and become invisible in order to protect ourselves and make us feel safe. So, we withdrew, made ourselves small, and tried to fade into the background in order to prevent further hurt. When we do withdraw like that it can foster a short-term, falsified sense of feeling safe, but it is also incredibly damaging to our core sense of self.
Most of us experience painful events at some point, or even at many points, in our life journey. When that happens we can wish we had a real-life version of the Hobbit’s ‘cloak of invisibility’. Some of those hurtful things are more easily processed than others, especially if we’re an adult, but when they happen to us as a small child we don’t have the emotional maturity to cope well with them, and they can leave us with an ongoing feeling of being traumatised, vulnerable, and scared.
Being traumatised happens to us when a situation is deeply distressing or disturbing and the shock of it overwhelms our ability to cope. If that shock and hurt go unrecognised or unvalidated, and we are left to cope with it on our own, it causes damage (trauma) emotionally and physically within us. Unrecognised, unvalidated, and unhealed trauma can lead to an inner wound being created that can fester within us and affect us for years.
Being unseen, or armouring ourselves in invisibility, may be a self-protection mechanism that works on some level as a small child, however as adults it no longer serves us well. It hinders us from living a full and rich life – in our relationships, work, ministry etc. Instead of it being a place of protection and safety it is a place where we become lost. In that place we lose our true self – along with our feeling of belonging, our joy, and our sense of purpose – and we become imprisoned within a place of ongoing restriction, stifling happiness, growth and our ability to truly respect ourselves.
The contradictions we face in life
Understanding ourselves as people is not always easy and sometimes our life is full of seeming contradictions. Feeling invisible and alone amongst people you know is one of them. You can have a good relationship with God and others and still feel alone on the inside and invisible to others. You can be spiritually strong and still struggle emotionally. You can trust God yet still feel anxious, lonely or overwhelmed. You can even have a lot of confidence in God, overall, yet still feel ill-equipped to navigate life’s landmines. Sorting out that balance between our contradictory feelings can often feel daunting and mystifying.
As a Christian we can wrongly believe that we should be immune from difficulty, always feel positive, and not ever suffer contradictory emotions; yet as a human we do. Yes, there are things we can do that can help us bring a sense of balance back into our life. Knowing who God says we are is a big part of that. Accessing His endless and faithful provision and wisdom is also a great thing to do. Learning and recalling His promises to us and declaring them over our life is great, but unless we are willing to face the internal wounds we have, and ask God to help us process through them and heal them, all these things will simply become band-aids that cover our woundedness rather than apply healing balm to them.
We must face our wounds. What was it that made us feel unseen, unheard, and invisible? When did that happen? It may even have been multiple times throughout life, thereby building a stockpile of trauma that we need to deal with. And we must turn to God – the one who knows and understands our pain even better than we do, and also knows how best to heal us.
God never created us to be alone in our pain. Living life alone is not the sort of life God has planned for any of us, and that includes you! He has given us relationship with Himself and promised to never leave us or forsake us. He has also given us people we can turn to and share with, who can help us work through things – friends, counsellors, pastors, and yes, even online articles like this one.
Letting go of invisibility
At some point we have to face the fact that we have been hiding, making ourself small, unseen, and invisible to try and keep ourself safe. At some point we have to choose to face our pain and fears, stop hiding, and throw off the shroud of smallness and invisibility we’ve allowed to cover us. We have to take responsibility to access healing, step up and show up. We have to become our true self, the person Jesus died for, the one He came to set free.
In my life, in my growing up years, making myself small and seeking invisibility was a way I sought to keep myself safe. I thought it would prevent further hurt, but I was wrong. That way of coping carried over into my adult years and my Christian walk. I said internally “Don’t get yourself noticed, its not safe.” “Don’t make waves, don’t speak up.” Do you know how hard that is for a prophet lol! Instead my desire to stay unnoticed imprisoned me, and I lived constantly frustrated because in my heart I knew I was created for more than I was experiencing. I knew that I was created to live a confident, free, life in Christ.
Maybe you’ve been like I was, and you know that the invisibility you once thought would keep you safe is no longer serving you well. It’s stifling who you were born to be. If you need to make that change – to step from invisibility to being visible and confident – then here’s some ways you can begin to access healing, throw away the falsely protective cloak of invisibility, and move from invisibility to being visible and celebrated.
Turn to the Lord – ask Him for a revelation of His love for you and healing for your woundedness. He is a safe refuge and knowing His love on a deep experiential level will create within you a safe inner core. Let Him create within you a place where you know that while the world may be unsafe at times your stability cannot be completely shaken because you have Christ in you. He will be with you to help you in all circumstances, giving you understanding, wisdom and strategic help in times of need. Turn into His love and together with Him, face the circumstances that led to your wanting to feel invisible. Following are some things I’ve used to help me process so that I’ve gained understanding, wisdom and healing on a deep level.
Look – at the messages you picked up and believed, such as…
“If I blend into the background, it’s safer.”
“If I make myself good/helpful I’ll be okay.”
“I daren’t express my hurt, my anger, my needs; they don’t count.”
“Don’t make waves, don’t speak up, you’ll only get bashed down.”
“I don’t matter.”
“No one loves me, I’m not worth much.”
Ask – What was it that made you believe being hidden, small, or invisible would keep you safe?
Was it your parent’s relationship problems – constant fighting, divorce?
Was it a parent, or another person, violating your trust through alcoholism, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse?
Was it your personal battle with how you perceived your physical features – looks, weight, height etc?
Was it being bullied by peers?
Was it an overly demanding teacher or boss?
Was it an abusive spouse?
Was it that the world seemed to demand much and give little in the way of respect?
Was it the lies you told yourself about your abilities?
Was it cultural, related to ethnicity?
Consider – What mindsets do you have that need renewing, and what are the truths God wants you to know about yourself and your place in the world? Talk to God and ask Him to show you the truth about who you are, and what He has for you. Look honestly at these questions, face the hurts, recognise where they started, and assess the impact they’ve had on your life. Invite God to minister healing to you. He might do that through someone you can talk these things through with, or He might do that in a direct encounter with Him. Seek help if you need it. There is no shame in needing someone to help you in your healing journey. Persevere, keep working through things with God, and you will come through it. You’ll have overcome and will be much healthier and stronger for it.
Look forward – with hope and expectation, and obtain the healing Christ has for you. Walking through life as a free person, one who lives a rich and satisfying life, as Jesus promised us (John 10:10), means yielding to God’s promptings to seek healing for our wounds, and reclaiming our born-again birth rights in Him.
It means not allowing ourselves to feel shame or condemnation for where we are on our journey, knowing that in Christ there is no condemnation for those who follow Him (Rom 8:1), and that our future is a bright one and free from shame!
It means throwing off the shrouds that have covered us so that our light can shine unhindered (Matt 5:14-16), and as we do, we find comfort and strength in the knowledge that God sees, us, hears us, and celebrates us. He loves us and He has a plan to bring us into wholeness in Him, and to give us a life that is one of confident expectation and fulfilled promise.
It’s time to move from invisible to visible, to come out of hiding, and to let your light be seen!